


The New and Improved Lord Voldemort

by PansyWeasley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, I meant to write a serious fic but my brain wouldn't let me, O.O.C Voldemort, Other, Voldie has a mid life crisis, this is what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 18:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17730641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PansyWeasley/pseuds/PansyWeasley
Summary: With his new look, attitude and mode of transport, Potter would never see him coming.





	The New and Improved Lord Voldemort

**Author's Note:**

> Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
> 
> Demonology Task 1: Write about someone having a midlife crisis.
> 
> Word count: 360

What the hell have I done to myself?

Tom Marvolo Riddle — better known as Voldemort, looked in a mirror for the first time in years. He grimaced; it wasn't a pretty sight. Tom Riddle had a button nose, whereas Voldemort's was non-existent, and that was just the beginning of his problems. His sleek black hair was gone, leaving him bold with an egg-shaped, wrinkly head. His skin had the unappealing shade of sour milk.

"Wormtail!" he shouted to his most loyal minion. The rat-like man appeared instantly and bowed to him.

"My lord."

"Have the Death Eaters break into the best Muggle wig shop. Steal every black wig that they have available for men."

"Right away, my lord." Voldemort could tell that Wormtail was trying not very successfully to hide a snigger. No matter, he would punish him for it later.

"Before you go, call Jake over."

Wormtail disappeared, and Jake arrived a few moments later. At nineteen, Jake was one of the younger Death Eaters. The teen rocked t-shirts featuring his favourite bands, and he always wore tight black jeans.

"I'm at your service, my lord."

"Excellent. Go and buy me something that you would wear. I want to make myself more current."

Why was everyone laughing at his expense? Their leader was suffering through a severe crisis. He turned the young man away and waited.

.oOo.

A few hours later, Voldemort smiled at his new appearance. His magically altered hairdo was just as sleek as his real hair had been, and the Weird Sisters t-shirt was all the rage. The black trousers were so tight that his followers didn't know where to look.

"Malfoy! Find me a car!"

The blond raised an eyebrow and frowned. "A car, my lord?"

"Yes, a car; the fancier, the better. I'm going to make it invisible, and I want it to fly."

"Right, then," Malfoy replied in a tone that suggested he was in the presence of a crazy person. Voldemort was too excited to care. With his new look, attitude and mode of transport, Potter would never see him coming.

The new and improved Lord Voldemort grinned at his reflection.


End file.
